Boys Don't Hit Girls...(And Grown Men Don't Verbally Assault Women)

Boys Don't Hit Girls

                                   (And Real Men Don't Verbally Assault Women or Children)

I recently found out the extent of abuse to a friend of mine. 

 Here are my thoughts: 

1.Boys don’t hit girls. Real men don’t hurt women or children . Not physically, not mentally, not emotionally. 

We all pretty much know a husband/boyfriend shouldn't hurt their wives/girlfriends but this has to extend to all places in society. What about strangers, neighbors, friends, or extended family? Men, as stronger creatures have the responsibility to not "fight a girl." Have we come so far that when men hear of another man assaulting a woman (verbally counts) that they do nothing, they stand by and say “She can handle herself?” John Wayne, the iconic movie star was known is his roles as the protector of women and innocents. Men, if you see a female being hurt by a male, stand up and say “No, you will not do  this, I don’t care what you think she has done, you will not hurt her.”  I certainly wish people in my family or friends would have stood up, been men, against the barrage of pain inflicted upon Michelle, Mom, and I growing up. We sure could have used some chivalrous intervention to sway the tide of violence to a single mom and 2 little girls who had no means other than the Divine Protection of an Almighty God. More recently, in adulthood, oh man how I wish some men would have “manned” up against a tyrant bent on making our lives a living hell. 

 2. When someone tells you of abuse being done to them and your first thought is “They don’t hurt me.”- watch yourself. 

Ask “Is this person prone to lying or making things up?” Probably not.  Ask yourself “What would this abuser do to me if I confronted them on what they are doing?” If the answer is even a tiny bit of “ They will get angry and turn on me,” Then you’ve got an abuser. Abusers need to abuse. They find a target, latch on, then set out to make friends with all others around their target, to discredit their target and make themselves look like a good guy. Matt, Michelle, mom, Uncle Jac, and I each have been targets. Each of us have had abusers who are soooo nice to others but because we made these abusers mad in some way, (not our fault, it never is when it comes to this kind of angry person), they attacked us in secret. When we spoke out, some believed but not all. I’m actually glad for the opportunity to stand up for someone, at least on the inside of me- in  a way I know some God led friends did for Michelle and I when they listened to and believed our story of the cycle of incredible meanness done to us.  

3. Want to know how to stop a bully? Starve them.

Don’t give them attention. When they invite you to do something, do not go. When they offer you presents, do not take them, for the Bible says “A gift spoils the heart.” And thou shalt take no gift: for the gift blinds the wise, and perverts the words of the righteous" Ex 23:8 Ignore them, that is the best way to help a friend stand up to a bully. They will wither for lack of attention. They will wither for they get their power to do evil by having good people around them as their “friends” to make the appearance of being an okay person. So, if someone tells you someone is hurting them, then that hurtful person will try extra hard to be YOUR friend. Don’t let them in. Stand up for the person, like Matt, or Michelle, or mom, or I who would cry ourselves to sleep, who be nervous all the time- those are the people you stand with. Believe me, that abuser is not crying, they are PLANNING, planning their next attack. Planning how to deceive those around them. The WORST thing in the world you can do for an abused person is even be civil to their abuser.  

So, for this friend of mine, I'm going to stand with them. This doesn't mean I actually have to DO  anything. In not  befriending the abuser, in ignoring them, I stand with the abused. 

How happy is the man who does not follow the advice of the wicked or take the path of sinners or join a group of mockers! Psalms 1:1 

4. Men, God has given you a gift to stand up for the weak and the abused. Men, you have a duty to stand up  when you see a woman being hurt by a man at work or in a family setting, or in your neighborhood, anywhere. 

Women are weaker than men. This is not a bad thing!! God created women to be nurturing and caring and emotional to make a bond with their children and raise them. Husbands, in a similar way, live with your wives with understanding since they are weaker than you are. Honor your wives as those who share God's life-giving kindness so that nothing will interfere with your prayers. 1 Peter 3:7

5. The #1 Thing a Christian man can do is take care of husbandless women and fatherless children.

When men abuse women or children, they are in direct contrast to the VERY thing all of God's people are supposed to do- care for women and children. 

Our Lord is A father of the fatherless, and a defender of the widows, is God in his holy habitation.Psalm 68:5

Lastly, there might be a woman or child who cries wolf and of course there are wicked women out there but I daresay you can say your peace and protect your family from such females without becoming an abuser yourself and stooping to her level. I would highly encourage you to stand up against a Jezebel the same way you would stand against a man abusing a woman or child. the topic But here is, Men, you must take the high road, the one or responsibility and civility. Stand with the weaker vessels and God will make you strong.